My 365 Days of Creativity starts on December 1, 2013. I am delving into my creativity and exploring. More on this later.
Have you ever felt as if you are at a crossroads in your life, and you can’t see a darn thing because there is a thick fog all around you? I sure hope it isn’t just me, yet I don’t want you to be going through this. It’s confusing. Although I have always been a good student, and teacher, I don’t know the answer. For the first time in my life, I just don’t know. I feel as if I have been shuffling through the dark, Waiting for a sign…
About two months ago, I heard a voice. Okay, not out loud, like someone actually talking. What I think I heard, was my voice, small and distant. It said, “Start a blog.” To which I said,” huh?” So the voice kept whispering, “Start a blog.” Now at this point I’m thinking, here I have been reading, soul searching, and trying to find that thing that will make my life click, preferably in the form of a paying job. And you little voice, come in here and tell me to start a blog! You have got to be kidding me! I don’t know what my next step in life is, and I’m supposed to write blog? To which my small voice replied, “Write a blog.” She’s not big on prose.
In the middle of this heated discussion, this voice also informed me that another thing I needed to do was start a 365 Project. This is not something I wanted to do. In any way, shape, or form. It is really hard. You have to confront things about yourself you may not want to. A few years ago I decided to do one. I really wanted to do 365 days of creativity in general. I was teaching photography at a public high school at the time. I ended up doing a photography 365 because I felt obligated to do it. I could connect with my students, and I would be a good example. The problem was, it was not the project I wanted to do, and I failed. I did not listen to my longing to paint and dance again. I did not even make it four months. I did not listen when my little voice told me, and I failed. So now, my voice says to take on this ridiculously hard project. Let’s just say, we just we argued for several weeks. She won.
See, the thing is I still don’t want to do this. This is not a feeling I equate with desire. I want a chocolate chip cookie (or really anything chocolate.) I want want to win the lottery. I want a pair of Christian Louboutins. I feel a palpable desire for all of those things. This is not how I feel about this project. It’s very different. I feel a knowing that this improbable thing is something I am supposed to do. It feels like something, I can’t not do. This my friends is a need, unlike those shallow wants above. See, something in my soul is calling for this. Although my ego has been winning the argument with my soul, this time I know I need to heed the call of my soul. As scary as that may be. I don’t know if I will succeed. I don’t know where this is going, but I have to do this. My little soul is speaking out, and for the first time in a long time, I am heeding her beautiful sweet message. It feels scary, but it feels right.
So here I am starting a blog. Today on Thanksgiving, I am taking my first step out into that great big cyber world with this humble beginning of a blog. I have been trying to figure out my life or at least what my next step is for months. So today I am grateful that even though I ignored my own voice for so long, she kept calling, prodding, and cajoling me to listen. This daring soul of mine wants to venture out of hiding and be heard. I don’t know what else may or may not come from this experience, but I know I am glad that I decided to listen to my soul’s desire.
What is your soul calling you to today? Will you listen?