Heeding the Call of the Soul

Have you ever felt as if you are at a crossroads in your life, and you can’t see a darn thing because there is a thick fog all around you?  I sure hope it isn’t just me, yet I don’t want you to be going through this. It’s confusing.  Although I have always been a good student, and teacher, I don’t know the answer. For the first time in my life, I just don’t know.  I feel as if I have been shuffling through the dark,  Waiting for a sign…

About two months ago, I heard a voice.  Okay, not out loud, like someone actually talking.  What I think I heard, was my voice, small and distant.  It said, “Start a blog.”  To which I said,” huh?”  So the voice kept whispering, “Start a blog.”  Now at this point I’m thinking, here I have been reading, soul searching, and trying to find that thing that will make my life click, preferably in the form of a paying job.  And you little voice, come in here and tell me to start a blog!  You have got to be kidding me!  I don’t know what my next step in life is, and I’m supposed to write blog?  To which my small voice replied, “Write a blog.”  She’s not big on prose.

In the middle of this heated discussion, this voice also informed me that another thing I needed to do was start a 365 Project.  This is not something I wanted to do.  In any way, shape, or form.  It is really hard.  You have to confront things about yourself you may not want to.  A few years ago I decided to do one.  I really wanted to do 365 days of creativity in general.  I was teaching photography at a public high school at the time.  I ended up doing a photography 365 because I felt obligated to do it.  I could connect with my students, and  I would be a good example.  The problem was, it was not the project I wanted to do, and I failed.  I did not listen to my longing to paint and dance again.  I did not even make it four months.  I did not listen when my little voice told me, and I failed.  So now, my voice says to take on this ridiculously hard project.  Let’s just say, we just we argued for several weeks.  She won.

See, the thing is I still don’t want to do this.  This is not a feeling I equate with desire.  I want a chocolate chip cookie (or really anything chocolate.)  I want want to win the lottery.  I want a pair of Christian Louboutins.  I feel a palpable desire for all of those things.  This is not how I feel about this project.  It’s very different.  I feel a knowing that this improbable thing is something I am supposed to do.  It feels like something, I can’t not do.  This my friends is a need, unlike those shallow wants above.  See, something in my soul is calling for this.  Although my ego has been winning the argument with my soul, this time I know I need to heed the call of my soul.  As scary as that may be.  I don’t know if I will succeed.  I don’t know where this is going, but I have to do this.  My little soul is speaking out, and for the first time in a long time, I am heeding her beautiful sweet message.  It feels scary, but it feels right.

So here I am starting a blog.  Today on Thanksgiving, I am taking my first step out into that great big cyber world with this humble beginning of a blog. I have been trying to figure out my life or at least what my next step is for months.  So today I am grateful that even though I ignored my own voice for so long, she kept calling, prodding, and cajoling me to listen.  This daring soul of mine wants to venture out of hiding and be heard.  I don’t know what else may or may not come from this experience, but I know I am glad that I decided to listen to my soul’s desire.

What is your soul calling you to today?  Will you listen?